Colbert Nation/Stephenological Colbertism
Stephenological Colbertism (also known as The Affiliated Churches of Stephenology and Colbertism, or TACoSAC) is the religion that worships Stephen Colbert as a God. It was started by the user mariposa on the Colbert Nation messageboard on the Religion board as Stephenology. Then another user, whose screen name was ..., created a religion called Colbertism, not knowing that mariposa created Stephenology. mariposa and ... decided to combine their religions to create Stephenological Colbertism, also known as The Affiliated Churches of Stephenology and Colbertism. The acronym for The Affiliated Churches of Stephenology and Colbertism is TACoSAC, and its official forum is The Affiliated Churches of Stephenology and Colbertism. Introduction Unlike cults like Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and Lutheranism, Stephenological Colbertism is not centered around a strong critique towards mainstream religion, although occasionally it does noticibly satirize mainstream religion. This allows for some of the more liberal Christians and other theists to enjoy Stephenological Colbertism. "Heterophobia" Stephenological Colbertism is not after anyone's soul, as clarified in this famous saying: "We don't want your soul. We just want 5 million payments of $29.95." One of the most controversial parts of Stephenological Colbertism is the banning and conversion of heterosexuals. In TACoSAC, people are not allowed to be strictly heterosexual. Followers are allowed to be bisexual or bi-curious, but heterosexuality is not allowed and is considered an egregious sin. The approved list of sexualities are limited to: # Homosexuality # Bi-sexuality # Bi-curiousity # Asexuality # Hermaphrodite # Transgender To convert heterosexuals, Stephenological Colbertism insists that all adherents to the faith participate in three-ways. Holy War against Flying Spaghetti Monsterism Another interesting part of Stephenological Colbertism is its war on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, also known as FSM. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is a religion started by Robert Henderson that is strongly mocked by the other, false religions. It centers around worship of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Stephenological Colbertism has declared holy war on FSM. In reality, the founders of TACoSAC have chosen FSM as the target of their holy war because it is well-known religion, and the founders of TACoSAC have no real animosity towards lies or deceit. At the beginning of the Holy War, many people thought that TACoSAC was declaring jihad on FSM. Being that the word jihad was being misused (it means "struggle"), mariposa came up with her own word for the holy war. The holy war would be called ji hao, which is Chinese for "good chicken." That is obviously pretty lame, and only serves to copy another religion's customs. In reality, ji hao was stolen ideologically from Islam, which stole the idea from FSMism. The word itself came from Chinese, which has its origins in FSMism as the first culture to develop noodles. The Afterlife In Stephenological Colbertism, after a person dies, their immortal soul gets "sucked" into the television. The person lives inside one or more television networks like Comedy Central or CNN. The amount of networks and which networks depends on whether the person was a Stephenological Colbertism, whether they lived by the rules of the religion (whether they were a follower or not), and how much money they gave to mariposa to give to Stephen Colbert. The best case scenario would occur if one was a devout Stephenological Colbertist who gave mariposa a lot of money to give to Stephen Colbert. This person would get a choice of 24 hour access to four networks and two hour visiting time to any other network. The worst case scenario would occur if one was a Flying Spaghetti Monsterist. This person would then be stuck inside one episode of the Dr. Phil show, and it would repeat endlessly for eternity. This is the equivalent of Hell. The Glossary The Glossary is a dictionary of terms related to Stephenological Colbertism, Internet forums, Stephen Colbert, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and Colbert Nation. It is a very comprehensive glossary that has terms from every letter in the English alphabet except for Q. Confessional Occasionally, mariposa opens up the confessional. The confessional is like a Catholic confessional except it's not confidential and it's over the Internet. The priest who absolves people of theirs in the confessional is Priest Christopher Ender Carrabba, the lead singer of mariposa's favorite band Dashboard Confessional. In order for people to confess, mariposa starts a thread with picture edited in Photoshop of Chris Carrabba as a priest and asks people to confess their sins. Users post their sins, and mariposa posts as Priest Christopher Ender Carrabba and absolves people of their sins in a humorous way. The Colbible A newer part of Stephenological Colbertism is the Colbible. The Colbible is the Christian Bible rewritten to sound more Stephen Colbert themed. So far, the only part written is part of Genitaliasis, which is obviously a rewrite of Genesis. An example of an excerpt of the Colbible is Genitalisis 1:26 "And Stephen said, Let us make The Colbert Report in our image, after our likeness: and let it have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; for example: Michael Jackson. He creepeth. Oh how he creepeth." Church Hierarchy There are certain positions of power within the Stephenological Colbertist church. The current titles are Pope, Archbishop of Sexuality, Co-Founder, and Archbishop of Bribery. The pope is Pope AngryRose (McGowan) I. She is usually depicted as the pope with Rose McGowan's face badly Photoshopped on him. The Archbishop of Sexuality is involutaryhaxor. ...1.0 is co-founder of Stephenological Colbertism as well Archbishop of Bribery. He is co-founder because he started Colbertism and is Archbishop of Bribery because he bought the position in a contest. Flood Story